I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
