I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
