hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
