he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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