Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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