I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
