i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
