Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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