you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
