i think my mom watched the whole time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
