I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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