U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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