he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
