he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
