He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.