i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.