You made me cry and you don't even care
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
