We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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