he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
