I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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