I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The beer is more important than you right now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
