She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
