Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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