I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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