she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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