You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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