Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
