I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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