I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think im going to throw up on grandma
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
