Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
