remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
