Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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