Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
