I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
