dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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