No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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