she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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