the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
