this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
