I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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