it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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