I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
