So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
