nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
