Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
