Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
