I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
