Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
