he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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