he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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