i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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