puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
