how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
