i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?