this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?