i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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