He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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