Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
