in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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