Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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